Your Questions About Mother-daughter Bonding

David asks…

do (did) you treasure those mother-daughter bonding moments, for example through Hair ritual/care ?? ?

like brushing,combing,braiding,etc…

richmama answers:

Yes, yes and yes, though there weren’t that many times that I remember. Going all anthropological on you, many animal species spend hours every day grooming each other in their “family”. It’s totally bonding and leads to trust and communication if the talk is relaxed, not critical. Good foundation for later years when the daughter is in her teens and fighting for her identity – some rapport remains, memories of being loved, taken care of, knowing that the mother wants what’s best for the daughter.

Richard asks…

Why are mother-daughter bonds especially strong in Greek mythology?

richmama answers:

Well, mostly they are not. Mother-child bonds of any type were downplayed strongly in favor of the male as the real and only parent (look at the Orestia by Aeschylus). In medical writings, women were written as only being the vessel to nurture the seed of men, and contributing nothing but nutrition to procreation. Early people might have been matriarchal, but the classic Greeks were obsessively patriarchal.

In myth, you have Demeter refusing to bring spring to the world because her daughter has been stolen… Mother-daughter bonds could be seen as playing strong roles because of the aliention of both women from the politics and dominant culture of Greek society. Women were usually kept heavily segregated, more so in wealthier households.

But there are some examples of very strong mother-child bonds, mostly in Greek tradegy though, which keep in mind was written by men. In Euripedes’s “Medea”, Medea is strongly connected to her children, she touches them and smells them and is nearly driven mad at the thought of killing them, but her pride does win out and she kills them as revenge against Jason. Also, look at Hecuba and Andromache in Euripedes’s “Trojan Women” and “Hecuba”. Hecuba in “Trojan Women” is broken down completely at the losses of her children until she is reduced to a sobbing mass. Andromache must give up her only child to be flung from the walls of Troy. And in “Hecuba” Hecuba launches a vicious attack to avenge her dead son. Why are mother-child bonds (or portrayed as so…male writters writing about women, so this is not authentic female experience, but the male version of it) so important? Because children were what women in the Greek world were expected to do. If you were a wife in a fairly wealthy home, you weaved, tended the house, and made babies. Sometimes the mother actually cared for the child but other times she handed it over to a nurse/slave.

So when compared to Roman mother/child bonds (which were usually portrayed as non-existent, the mothers were very harsh and abrupt) then yes, the Greeks had strong mother/child bonds. Compared to many other cultures or the contemporary world…not that strong a bond.

Helen asks…

Chinese Character for mother-daughter bond?

Chinese character for mother-daughter please………
want to get a chinese character tattoo on my inner wrist but i’m not sure if the characters I have found on the web really mean what I’m looking for………..

I would deeply appreciate any help……

richmama answers:

母女 [mǔnǚ] is best. It means “mother and daughter”

Ruth asks…

How do you best announce an engagement to a mother that doesn’t seem accepting?

My fiance and I have been secretly engaged for a little over 8 months. He is a marine and is currently fighting over seas. While his family is thrilled and very accepting of our engagement, I have yet to tell my mother because she doesn’t seem to accept him and it’s hard for me to open up to her and let her know how I feel. I would love to tell her but how is it possible when we don’t have the typical mother-daughter bond?

richmama answers:

The longer you wait the harder it will be because even if your mother doesn’t approve she’ll hate the fact that you kept it secret – for such a long time – from her way more.

Tell her. Simple. My mum didn’t, i should say still doesn’t, like my fiance. But we told her anyway. And yeah it was hard and really awkward but at least now she’ll have a civil conversation with him and we told her about our engagement 2 years ago. Lol . Not married quite yet but it gets better. Truly it does. It doesn’t seem like it at all but if this is what you want then your mum has to know that and respect that. She can’t run your life for you. If you’re like me and your parents still thought of you as little and a baby then it is hard and may cause many arguments along the way. But one day you will look back and laugh and you will see all the progress you have all made.

Good Luck and congratulations to you both. I hope this goes how you want it to.

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